Disposable Hero: the life of the Solid One

Fantastic Marketing Departments

2005-10-08T17:12:00.000-04:00

Recently, I ran across a few phallic and such pictures online.. All I can say is, 'What marketing genious approved these as being their corporate signs??'

An EnginneeringConsulting Firm

A video store

Atherton Car Sales

And by far, the greatest of them all....

The Brazilian Institute for Oriental Studies

EA cracks me up

2005-09-27T20:28:00.000-04:00

As I was looking around on the internet for a few choice items, I ran across this tidbit of information.. Seems that EA Sports has a major bug in NFL Madden 2006.. In a recent patch for the game, EA inadvertantly made NY Jets offensive tackle seven inches tall..

EA Sports has since fixed the NFL Madden 06 patch, with yet another patch.. OyVey!!

A place to vent..

2005-08-26T21:07:00.000-04:00

Once again I'm gonna tell you all that I'm truely not an angry person, but venting on a blog seems so perfect.. So here is what I saw recently that pisses me off..

Last night I went to see The 40 Year Old Virgin.. I highly recommend this movie, it was fantastic.. My problem is not with the movie, but the couple that was sitting directly in front of me.. At what point during a comedy and laughing quite hard do you decide to start making out?? The answer is that its a comedy, you're not supposed to.. Some hilarious action is going on during the film and I gotta see you suck each other's face directly below the screen.. You're lucky I didn't decide to stand up and stab you each in the liver.. Then you proceed to leave when the movie is done.. Don't get me wrong but I'm glad I never have to see you again.. Now the girl, she was quite cute.. But the guy, I hated you.. WTF is up with you?? Your hat is sideways, you have a cheap $2 beard/goatie, and pull up your f'n pants.. If I ever see him again, god have mercy on his liver..

Today I almost walked up to a man and slapped him in the face and said "Are you f*^%ing kidding me!?" Let me start by saying that when he got out of the passenger side of his car, he had a hands free device for his cell phone on his head.. YOU ARE A PASSENGER, YOU DON'T NEED HANDS FREE!! Then he proceeds to enter Starbucks, same place where I am headed.. Upon entering I notice that its about 90 degrees F outside and this guy is wearing a full business suit.. And did he take off the hands free device before ordering?? HELL NO!! Did he wait to order with his wife? (Who by the way was quite hot.) HELL NO!! Standing behind him in line, I was about to pants him when he pulled out the 'Money Clip.' I resisted because I was on my lunch break for my new job and I don't need to be arrested.. On his way out, he proceeded to call someone in the middle of the coffee shop.. At this point I almost pissed my pants from the pain this guy was causing me.. He left and I never have to see him again either..

The lesson of todays entry has to be the fact that 3 out of 4 people are stupid.. Add that to the fact that the unemployment rate is at 5% which makes me concerned about the remaining 20% stupid people that HAVE JOBS!! So on a lighter note, here are some pictures of some sweet sand castles..

Thats Bananas???????

2005-08-17T20:51:00.000-04:00

Let me start off right away by saying the new Tommy Lee "reality" show is a massive joke.. If you watch this show, then I declare you to be certifiably insane.. And then there is the issue of the new catch phrase to come from this god for saken show thats gonna sweep the country, "Thats Bananas!!" Ok seriously if I hear anybody say that phase, I will stab you in the liver.. It won't be tough to find me cause I'll be the guy stabbing people in the liver.. "Hi, my name is Rob. You're stabbing people in the liver huh? Man, thats bananas!" BAM, you're dead!! (Disclaimer: In the event that I ever appear in court, I speak these words about 'stabbing the liver' in jest.)

So in recent weeks, this little tidbit of a page has surfaced and been going around the net.. It has to deal with some guy's analysis of why he won't find a girlfriend for years.. Please do read Why I Will Never Have a Girlfriend.. In the end I hope that you come to the same conclusion that I came to, YOU DON'T HAVE A G/F BECAUSE YOU'RE SITTING ON YOUR ASS DOING MATHEMATICAL ANALYSIS ON A COMPUTER.. Seriously, go to a bar.. Then you can test the theory why Men Have Trouble Hearing Women.. And when you can't hear them and they get pissed at you, you can go home and Cut Your Cancer Risk.. Things happen for a reason, and that reason is because you are a douchebag writing too many equations..

I shall leave thee today with one of the coolest videos I've ever seen on the interweb.. Coin Flipping could now be an Olympic sport in my book..

Fare Thee Well

Back for more ehh?

2005-07-31T21:15:00.000-04:00

Okay, first off I'd like to point out that I think it quite good that I'm finally going back to work tomorrow after being unemployed for the last few months.. I'm at the point tonight were I'm just simply bored.. But not just bored, bored of being bored..

With that said, I did run across something pretty sweet on the net today.. Its the official guide for calling out SHOTGUN for the front seat of the car.. Believe it or not, its quite an amusing read and who knew there were so many rules and regulations to such a simple phrase.. Ha, come to find out we've been doing the shotgun rules correctly these last few years..

Now this is something that I've seen before, but I still think its pretty cool.. The Color Perception page has some pretty sweet ways to show that your eyes really can screw with you..

The Self-Chilling Beer Can, isn't technology wonderful?

About tonight..

2005-07-31T00:52:00.000-04:00

Yep, I've been drinking...

Crazy Links

2005-07-28T23:16:00.000-04:00

Two days in a row, wow.. I'm impressed with myself.. Anyways I found some crazy things online while on digg and here some are:

Death by Caffeine: See how man cans of different kinds of pop it takes to kill you..

The Fall Guys: A great ways to see a physics engine at work..

Rehab for Gamers: Yep, I knew this one was coming soon..

Shuttle Discovery + Bird: Thats just bad luck..

and finally The Beast Blender: Awkward and yet, fun..

Ok, There's my daily deed.. I'm out

a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away ...

2005-07-26T22:06:00.000-04:00

Yes, its been ages since I've blogged last, so I'll get right into it.. AIM SUCKS!! Those bastards over at AOL keep telling me that I tried to sign into AIM too soon.. WTF DOES THAT MEAN?? I've been signed out all day.. When I first signed on today, your crappy little sevice crashed.. So I close it and when I go to sign back on, it get some damn warning sign with an annoying little beep sound saying I'm signing in too soon.. Ready here I try again........ Oh look, same response.. And then when you click on the tab that says 'more info,' do they tell you what the problem is?? No, they just send you to aol.com.. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU OR YOU'RE LITTLE $2 WEBSITE..

On another note, I would just like to let everybody know that I am now employed at a company called NanoDynamics where I will be working in the fuel cell department.. Its a good job for me and its in my field of work, plus the money is good.. I will be leaving Mortifere but I will be staying in this area.. I won't be able to give 100% to the band and won't be able to go on tour and that won't be fair to the other guys..

And finally I have no idea what in the hell to say about this.. Sure the picture on the page is quite funny, but are they really serious that scientists are spending investor money on this research?

Here again

2005-06-08T01:08:00.000-04:00

Ok, I felt the need to write this down.. A while back I wrote that I hated ants and now on to tonight.. So I'm talking on AIM to someone and I look down on the sleeve of the white shirt I'm wearing.. Right there, crawling down the sleeve, the biggest damn ant I think I've ever seen.. He was over an inch long and I freaked out.. He got flicked into the wall so I ran and got a napkin and crushed him.. Now he is dead.. I say 'he' and not 'she' because then it could be considered domestic abuse..

I have a few more random thoughts:
* If I ever decided to climb a mountain and I found a man sleeping on the top of said mountain, I think I would have to consider him to be the coolest man in the world..
* Whenever you enter the room and your family stop talking about Disney World, you're headed for summer school..
* In the Atlanta Airport, they have iPod vending machines that sell iPods and iPod accessories..

With Fathers Day coming up soon, I'm debating on if I should buy a dvd or 2 from amazon.com.. The kicker would be that I could have it gift wrapped for free and have it say 'Happy Fathers Day..' I'm pretty sure that would freak my parents out..

While I go to sleep, you can learn how to brew beer in a coffee pot by clicking here..

Its been a while

2005-05-26T00:50:00.000-04:00

Hey look, I have returned.. Here are some random thoughts I have at the moment:
-NHL playoffs should be going on right now
-People who cheer for Yoda in the middle of a Star Wars movie are friggin idiots
-Wanda Sykes is annoying as hell
-Carrots + Blue Cheese = Creamy Goodness
-We Love Katamari
-Mitch Hedberg is dead
-"I'm like a ball player Jon, I'm sittin' here with an ass full of steroids."
-CNN is now doing reports on blogs, reading blogs, and interviewing bloggers
-My one year old nephew drools a lot
-I have yet to try the TAG body spray theory

Ok, now on to more inmprtant matters.. Stephen Spielberg, do you have no soul?? What in the hell are you doing?? You're making a Baywatch Movie?? Its done, over with, not to belong on the big screen.. Just leave it for what it was, David Hasselhoff and Silicone.. Good lord was there a lot of silicone.. Maybe a Baywatch movie isn't so bad, I shall move on..

I'm stuck on this damn game, and its addicting.. ESCAPE

Wow, I haven't blogged in ages...

2005-05-05T01:35:00.000-04:00

... and its 1:35 in the morning so I'm not about to start one now..
Just stare at this amazing waste of time..

I was picked last in gym class

2005-04-20T23:41:00.002-04:00

When I was first getting ready to write in my blog this fine evening, I was feeling kinda mad.. As I was changing channels, I noticed that the greatest fighting movie ever was on and I missed it.. Of course I'm talking about the Jean-Claude Van Damme classic Bloodsport.. But then I noticed that the greatest episode of MXC (porn stars vs home improvement) was on after it so its ok.. This episode has quite possibly the greatest line ever in it..
Captain Tenneal: Hey look, here's a big porn fan. You were really waving your hand at me, weren't ya?
Random Guy: Actually, that wasn't my hand. This is my hand, the small one.
Captain Tenneal: Wow, that's pretty impressive.

So I was going through my mail today from the last week and noticed that I needed to go off on a rant.. I noticed that I had 13 credit card offers mailed to me.. THIRTEEN.. Four of them were from the same company which I received them all on the same day.. The only good thing about these is that I no longer get phone calls when eating some steak about a 0% APR introductory rate credit card and after 3hrs and 51 minutes the rate goes up to 13.8675343%.. Nope, now I gotta go out and buy a friggin $50 paper shredder so that some damn crack addict doesn't get a hold of a credit card in my name.. I might also add that this is the first rant the where I discovered a solution.. The business reply envelopes already have the postage paid for them, so you cut any personal information out of the applications.. Then you switch the applications around and send them to different credit card companies.. We'll see how much longer I'll be getting credit card brochures..

Ok, this actual item has me a bit confused.. The Bread Speaker.. I really don't know what to say about this one except, can I eat it before the rodents in my house do?

\x01A4 ... yep i guess its 4/20 and i honestly don't care cause ... chown -R us ./base

Migranes are as fun as Manties

2005-04-18T01:41:00.000-04:00

I had a wonderful weekend of doing basically nothing while having a migrane.. Seriously, I played Lego Star Wars on Xbox and went out to Desi's saturday night, and that's about it.. I ran into a lot of people that I knew at Desi's.. The big shocker is I hated none of the people..

Ok, since it seems that my rants are kinda popular here is another one, Sock Puppets.. Oh, I have an idea, I'll put a sock on my hand.. Draw a face on it and move the mouth in front of little children.. What better way torment children and scar them for the rest of there life.. "Hey there little Billy, do you want to go to the park and ride a bike with your bestest pal Sockie McTube?" "But Sockie, you don't have any feet." "Awe shucks Billy, I can just use my imagination...Or better yet, how about the man who has his hand up my butt takes me for a ride!! Yay!!" Ok but seriously, if your kid is the type of kid that enjoys sock puppets, I have 8 words for ya: YOUR KID WILL BE CRAMMED INTO SCHOOL LOCKERS.. And if you're the one controlling the sock puppet, YOU WILL DIE ALONE..

I can't believe these are real.. Fart Deodorizer and My SweetPee.. First manties, now these.. The world is coming to an end my friends.. If you analyze the book of Revelations close enough, you'll see these as signs of the apocalypse.. Dammit, the sites give such detailed illustrations too..

On that note...........

Manties are awful

2005-04-16T01:58:00.000-04:00

Well well well.. Let me start right off the bat by saying, OOOOOWWWWWWWWWW.. Who knew that playing bass could hurt your neck and back a lot.. Ah yes, the after effects of just playing a show.. The head banging is probably gonna make my neck even worse in the morning.. Was it all worth it?? Hell yeah it was, playing up on stage in front of a group of friends and strangers is fantastic.. Although, the place we played tonight call the Continental is pretty famous for bringing out the transvestites.. So I wasn't about to go hitting on any chicks in the audience.. "Hey baby, you like the way I use my fingers?".. "Wait, what the...Whats that?...Oh god!"

Ok, so onto my rant.. Brown Cows aka Jersey Cows.. What good are you?? Thats right, NONE.. What makes you so different from a normal black and white cow?? Are you albino?? Because your brown, do you produce chocolate milk?? Are you reall from Jersey?? Nooooooooooooooo.. Ooo look, you're Jersey cows, do you love Bon Jovi?? Since Bon Jovi is the worst band ever, you deserve to be slaughtered.. Your milk is no better..

I'd like to point out a few random facts thus far that I've noticed about this blog.. First off, I'm always in some sort of pain.. Does that mean I'm getting old?? Secondly, I've mentioned Krowka twice now.. Oh crap, make that three times.. It makes it seem like he's the only friend I got.. I'm a pretty popular person, I think.. Third, I will never EVER mention Bon Jovi again..

Time for some zzzzzzzzzzzzz.. I gotta watch my nephew in about 5 hrs.. But check out the worst website and product ever: Manties... I mean seriously, who the hell thinks of this crap?? And what board/panel approves it?? Let alone waste fine webspace.....

Confused!?

2005-04-14T23:17:00.000-04:00

Right off the bat, I wanna say that I have no feeling in my left arm.. Not really sure what the deal is but my left hand and arm have been feeling quite awkward for the last month.. One night while I was playing bass, I felt a weird pop.. Not sure what to think of it but it surely aint good.. Will it stop me from playing some hockey for the upcoming season?? Hell no..

I've begun preliminary work on the sequel to The Chronicles of Shirtfinder.. The new movie is being called Juiced.. Production should go into full swing once Krowka gets back from England and hockey starts up.. The basic overall storyline is written while the finishing touches are being made on the original movie.. My laptop crashed the other week so I have had to go back and redo a bunch of work on The Chronicles of Shirtfinder.. A DVD release is coming within the next month or two..

And onto my rant.. Genny Cream Ale has got to be the worst beer ever thought of.. Even Pabst Blue Ribbon makes GCA look like that dead raccoon you hit months ago.. In all seriousness, I think the brewing process for GCA goes like this.. 4 Canadian men buy 2 cases of 18 pack Labatt Blue.. They drink.. Then when it comes time to break the seal and/or go to the bathroom, they pull out a bottle that says Genny Cream Ale.. Well, I think you know the rest..

Finally, did anybody else notice that Harrison Ford points quite a bit in his movie.. Check out the Harrison Ford finger gallery.. Now I've seen mostly all of his movie and I have never noticed this.. I really think that its truely great that someone used this fine .html web space to help fill up this fine thing we call the interweb of information..

Ok, I think I'm off to try Tatertot Surprise Casserole.. I paid some tiny elves to bake it for me and its done.........NOW.................

First Post

2005-04-14T04:10:00.000-04:00

I've never been a big blogger, but since I'm unemployed now, I have some time on my hands..

First off, let me explain the title of this blog.. Disposable Hero basically comes from a song about the war being total hell and there are no winners.. How does this relate to me? It really doesn't, I just like the name.. I'm no hero, but I am disposable.. Anyway, lets get on to the better part of the name ... the Solid One.. Its shortened down from the name Solid Snake??? Oh dammit, its not shorter.. Oh well, lets just say that it evolved from Solid Snake.. I was sitting around drinking with my bad one night after I lost my job.. I said that I'll make a living by going into pr0n and my name would be Solid Snake.. Yeah, I was pretty hammered and all I remember was drinking most of the Jagermeister.. I don't even remember saying the name and it stuck, I can't believe that friggin name stuck..

Now on to my rant.. I hate ants!! They are just little black walking pieces of crap.. Oooo, they can lift 50 times their actual weight.. Oh look, I'm an ant.. Yay, I can carry a peanut.. What's the point?? You're carrying a peanut, I'll step on you and you're peanut.. But no, you gotta keep moving even after my size 11 crushes you.. So then I grab a magnafying glass and burn you.. Oh look, one of your little buddy friends is pulling your burning body away, he burns too.. 30 minutes later, fire trucks are putting out the fire in my house.. And thats what happens when I see ants..

And does anybody else think the Prince Charles wedding looked like a Star Wars bar?? There were so many ugly hats.. And where did the police get a pair of pants so quickly for the streaker?? Is streaking that common in England?? Krowka, please explain.....